Posted by: kathryngraves | June 8, 2012

Good-bye, Dark

“Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys the voice of His Servant? Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon his God.” Isaiah 50:10

Fear and Obey. Lisa and I both “fear” the Lord and obey the voice of His Servant Jesus Christ. We both have said we only wanted God’s will for our lives, and practiced that by marrying men who preach the gospel. We’ve spent our adult years teaching other women to rely on Jesus.

Walking in Darkness. But now we have each come to a very dark place. At times, there doesn’t seem to be any light at all. Not even a distant glimmer.

My son attends a church in downtown Denver. His pastor preached a whole series of sermons on light leading up to Christmas last December. I understand why. The Bible is full of analogies to light, and so are many of my posts on suffering. We attended the Christmas Eve service at this church. They meet in the basement of an old building. The only light in the room came from “trouble” lights dangling on long cords over the platform. And yet the place had a warm, friendly vibe. It was filled with other people like us. We came seeking the Light. Even two-year old Carson kept saying–out loud–“Baby Jesus!” He knew this was the place, and the people among whom, he would find the Light. Of course, the service ended with a candle lighting and singing “Silent Night.”

Trust. I couldn’t help the tears that fell out of my eyes. The evening symbolized my year. It was so very dark. At one point I even wished I would just die. But at that moment, even though it was a great struggle, I chose to trust God. I called out His Name. When I did, I discovered the power of calling out loud, just like Carson did, “Jesus!” Instantly, the room almost looked lighter, the heaviness lifted and the tiniest spark of hope flickered inside me. As the spark grew into a little flame, I began to know that there was hope for my future. I grabbed hold of God’s hand and chose to rely on Him again.

And in that room on Christmas Eve, I said good-bye to the dark. For good.



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